B2B Cold Email Template Review – Infinicare

Last week, the RevBoss team weighed in and made a few “adjustments” to an email forwarded to us on SalesyEmail.com where we’ve been gathering example sales prospect email templates.

This go-around, it’s an email from Infinicare.  As always, we’ve removed names and other identifying information to protect the innocent.  🙂

The Email

From: SDR
Date: Wed, Feb 25, 2015 at 1:55 PM
Subject: Mobile + Web Apps Development (Ref- LinkedIn) – IT Consulting
To: SalesyEmail

Hi SalesyEmail,

Hope you are doing well. I was trying to connect with you in regards to our software product development expertise. We are global software product development organization based out of Dulles, VA. InfiCare Technologies is a SEI-CMMi Level 3 and ISO 27001 certified company having 700+ Offshore, 120+ Onsite Software Professionals worldwide with our strong offshore presence in India and office in VA (Dulles). We have more than 250 plus active satisfied clients in US across different sectors like Healthcare, Travel, Transport, Telecom, BFSI, ISV, Manufacturing, Retail, Media etc.

Our services:

Staff Augmentation
Web Development
Mobile  Apps Development
Cloud  Solution

Technologies: Java, Ruby on Rails, Node.js, Backbone.js, Drupal, Hadoop, Splunk, SharePoint, Python, iOS, Android, Windows, phone gap, HTML5, PHP 5, Cake PHP, Web 2.0

Databases: My SQL, Oracle, Mongo DB, Casandra, NuoDB

Cloud: Amazon, Force.com, Heroku

We are expert in building the Dedicated development center for our technology partners, this team works dedicatedly on the partner’s projects acting as backbone of entire projects/applications of clients resulting in an expressive ROI lowering down the operational costs up to 60%.

Regards,

SDR

Feedback

The RevBoss team weighs in:

Eric

• This is a weird subject line…but I don’t necessarily dislike it completely. It is obviously a salesy email, but I like that they at least make an attempt to…actually, nevermind — this is a pretty bad subject line.
• This laundry list of stuff is not helpful. Too much info and not at all targeted.
• At least they made an effort to quantify value, even though the attempt comes across as jibberish.
• Typos and capitalization errors are bush league.

Kelsey

• I like that they opened with a warm/friendly line, but this is maybe a little too assuming when emailing someone that you don’t know — would rather it say, “hope all is well” or “happy {{day of the week}}!”
• I don’t like that the second sentence is past tense, but this is a bad opener in general. Could seem a little off-putting by saying, “our {{whatever}} expertise” and then backing it up with stats about your locations.
• Terrible format. The “Our Services” section should be in a deck – not in an email.

Paul

• Tons of Information / Fact dumping, yet nothing suggests a desire to find out anything about the prospects’ needs.
• I think that naming 1-2 reputable clients is more effective than including that there are “250 plus active satisfied clients” – sounds less ostentatious.
• Listing all of the sectors the company has clients in isn’t necessary.  Should be more specific to the target prospect and only share what is immediately relevant to them.

Kelly

• Way too much info in the “Who We Are” section of the first paragraph that isn’t relevant to me.  I probably wouldn’t read the rest of the email.
• There’s no call to action and the prospect is left to decide what to do with email.

Barnaby

• The opening could come across stronger and be more direct because it doesn’t seem there is a lot of confidence being voiced re: their “expertise”.